#61: STOP writing boring sales emails (and boost reply rates)
+ how to tell stories in cold emails with 8 real examples
Hi Friends 👋,
I’m pumped.
This is one of my most action packed posts in a while. I have EIGHT tactical e-mail examples that I’m sharing with you today.
Deliverability, bad contact data, terrible positioning etc... all reasons that reply rates are plummeting.
However, another reason you may not have considered is because your emails are a SNOOZE fest.
Boring copy doesn’t break through the noise and doesn’t evoke any emotion.
Think about the last ad or billboard you remember. I bet the copy wasn’t boring.
I recently started reading some fiction novels and realized just how bland my writing has become working in sales.
I think it’s time to shake things up and start having a little more fun to stand out.
Do the opposite of what most people are doing.
In this post, I will go over 4 tips to add some "spice" to them and get more replies (with real world examples I’ve used):
1. Use descriptive and emotionally charged language to paint a picture.
What does this look like? Here are some examples:
✅ "A lot CFOs get pissed off when they find out they're overpaying by 50-80% on processing fees" from ☠️ Belal Batrawy
✅ "Does updating your CRM manually feel like sipping peanut butter through a straw?" from Josh Braun
✅ "Does your blood-pressure spike when you realize you have to work another weekend to finish that RFP?"
Real e-mail example:
Hi Sara - thought this might look familiar and was curious...
Does your blood-pressure spike just thinking about building dozens of spreadsheets with columns that go up to “AE” for your next comp cycle?
Barley can put your comp review process on autopilot while making sure your managers have the context and guidelines they need to make better pay decisions.
Worth taking a peek?
2. Use words like “Imagine” or “What if” so your prospect can put themselves in that moment
Story-telling is a very powerful tool.
Get your prospects to visualize themselves in a specific scenario.
Here’s a timely email that I wrote for Gong using this method.
Or you can use Josh Braun’s variation to the above which he wrote for me yesterday:
Subject: Nate Brown (rep)
James, how do you know those deals Nate feels 100% confident will close aren’t at risk? Reps are notoriously optimistic.
With Gong you get proactive risk alerts like this:
No more surprises.
Think this might help?
3. Use relevant memes or trends that are popular at the time
Memes are a fantastic tool to tell stories.
For example, there were at least a few Super Bowl memes that were relevant last week that could be used to paint a picture of the problem with your prospects "current state" or highlight the "future state".
Here are 3 I’ve used in the past (starting with the Super Bowl one for Barley):
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